Sunday, 16 February 2014

Anuhya - Who are you?

Techie from Andhra missing  - centre page of  Times of India reported . A disturbing news but a oft repeated type of news .. Made me to skip

TCS Techies missing after embarking at LTT Kurla another god forsaken  station. A small thumb nail image of technie .. after reading the headline.. I skiped the item

I looked at Times next day.. yes that innocent, mischievous face with the feeling  life is wonderful is making me look for the news item.. Times has nothing to report about her.

NTV after a discussion on Telangana covers TCS Techie missing.. Mumbai Police clueless.. Protects in Vijayawada..

Times Reported next day.. Protests in Bandra.. Pooja Bhat and minorities in a procession protest about the failure of police.

I am hooked to the item. Times now covers Anuhya's father meeting Home minister.. Meeting AAP leaders for support to find Anuhya. Anuhya


Sunday, 16 June 2013

Take care of me, Love me, I am just a lost girl, but I feel safe with you

I am writing this to you because I don't know howelse to communicate with you. I care for you deeply and it hurts me to know you don't trust me me. I know you are young and I am very sensitive. I am sorry, I can't help it. When I love and care for someone, I get very emotional. I never thought I would meet someone like you and feel the way I feel. You have given me so much excitement and happiness. At times though I feel, I am being taken for granted. I know you don't mean it, but I wish you would show me more respect, love and appreciation. It is not much to ask. I'm an all or nothing kind of girl. When I give my heart, I give myself totally. I wish you do the same. I would take care of you, and love you like no one ever has! I am deeply romantic and a genuine complex.

I will never hurt you or betray you. Please learn to trust me and give into me completely. All I ask of you is to make more of an effort!, like how you were when we first met, caring, sweet, emotional and addictive. I will never beleive rumours about you, I will learn to trust you as well. Don't try and make me jealous or cry. All I want is to love you and have beautiful days with you filled with happiness and excitement. The minute I feel insecure, I close myself up. Take care of me , love me, I am just a lost girl, but I feel safe with you. I am yours and hope to be for a long time. Open up to me baby, be my prince charming and sweep me off my feet. That is all I can say to you. I am sorry if you can't read my writing, I miss you already!

(Zia Khan's love letter as it is)

Monday, 10 June 2013

Manipuri Girl and Democratic Republic

I have been here since ages and immortal. Kings have ruled and queens have ruled. Foreign rulers ruled and went away. Independence is irrepressable here. I have seen forces fighting here brutal wars  against militants and some times with foreign institgators leaving the place devasted. Forces and militants brutalising life here and making women vulnarable, helpless victims. No act can perpetuate atrocities on women  either forces or militants. No religion, etinic identity, hate .. can be a licence to atrocities against women

I approached supreme court to take up my case.  I met judges to take up my case. I cited that fundamental tenet of our republic is dignity of life to women and life with honour. They told me they understand the issue but they are bound by law and can't do anything. They quoted me that judiciary had kept quiet even when democracy was trampled  and emergency was imposed as they were bound by laws.

Since courts are bound by laws, I approached male MPs. They told me that I don't understand politics and these are not political issues facing the nation . They can at most raise a question without any charge but it is of no use. It may get reported by some channels and will be given a quiet burial by media. Frankly they told me that they don't understand my issue as in insurency areas these things happen and one must ignore and live.

I approached women MPS and told them my issue. They told me that male MPs won't care them and many a times they snub them for raising silly issues as women are emotional, stupid people. Men MPs told us that female MPs are just women faces for party propoganada and public relations exercise and women must know what they are. One women MP told me that it is humiliating existence for them.

I approched ruling party leaders and explained my issue. They narrated the measures government has taken and will look into my issue. I told them that they have been looking into my issue for years and it has not been resolved. One leader told me that my issue is not a issue as it has not effected voting pattern. They will address only those issues and sections which effect vote banks. I realised that my voice will never be heard and met opposition leaders.

Opposition leaders were ready to understand my issue and promptly raised in parliament and sought immediate redressal.  They raised follow up questions and continued and persisted with the issue. They told me that they consider my issue an important issue and thay will expose the indifference of the ruling party. After few rounds of protests their interest has vened. I have noticed the opposition parties are not interested in solving my issue but focessed on embassing the ruling party. My issue was never a topic in their party forums.

I went to minotity leaders to address my issue . I am not in minority and they don't care me. I went to religious leaders. They told me that they address spiritual/Communal issues and can't address social issues. I told them that my issue is an existential issue and all other issues are secondary to this. I realised that I am a non issue for them.  I wen't to leftist groups and told my issue. They told me that my issue is part of their class war to dislodge the existing oppressive order and asked to me join them in their bigger fight. I told them my issue is now and here issue and can't postpone to a future date. I realised that I am periferal issue and a means to attract people to their idealogy and they are not sincere about me. I met NGOs to realise that they are executing the agenda of their foreign master's and least interested in solving issues.

I am left to myself after the cocophony of democracy.  Am I not a issue by myself? I am the power shakti. I am an agenda by myself, my upliftment and place of honour is an idealogy. Making of the other half of the world is a philosophy in itself. I don't need any external support. I win by my fight beacuse my cause is everybody's cause and my success is everybody's success. I am truth and truth will win.

Truth will triumph
Satyameva Jayate

Tuesday, 26 March 2013

Why is this marriage still on?

Rajesh is not in talking terms with me since an year. It started with Rajesh joining a leading club as a part of availing his company facilities. I liked to visit the club with him for an evening, enjoy facilities, make friends have dinner and come back. I noticed him spending his evenings and weekends too there. I was feeling that he is ignoring me. I had an exchange with him about the same.

I said 'Tum tumhara pura time udhar nahi bita sakte. Ghar ake ghar ko bhe dekhna chahiye'
Rajesh 'Ghar ko bhe dekhta hu. Mujhe bhe apne liye samay chahiye.'
I said ' Apne liye ya mujhse door rahne ke liye'
Rajesh 'Jo bhi samazna hi samjho'

That was the last exchange we had.  He stopped talking to me afterwards. He looked at a wall and asked for his needs. He slowly started taking care of his needs and with that the little impersonal talk also ended. He stopped looking at me. He refuses to acknowledge my presence. I have realised that I have become an object in this house.

I am slipping into memories from the past.  Early days of marriage. Rajesh used to return from office. He eyes used to look for me as soon as he was back.  If I was not present in the hall on some pretext he used to be in kitchen to grab a glance at me. The presence of other members was not a hindrance to him. Sasuma never liked us being together. Her eyes and ears were always looking out for us and her dislike was felt by us. Rajesh is attcahed to his mother but he liked our togetherness and ignored mother's overbearing attitude.  As time passed and wegot used to being together. He started taking me for granted. His love has faded into background and We have slipped into being Husband and Wife.

I started working as every one around was working and it was supplementing Rajesh's income.  I also liked being independent earner and started having  office circle around me. Slowly I realised that all the financial decisions were taken by Sasuma and the exepenses to be paid by me are alotted.  I slowly realised that I was a part of relationship arrangement and I was present to take responsibilities without any voice.  Even when I had some opinion and expressed it, Sasuma had a readymade  answer to rubbish it. Rajesh sometimes used to support my idea but he never carried any weight in the house.

I was part of household activities like cooking and all domestics chore. Sasuma was always tired and exhausted and expected me to carryout all activities. Rajesh used to help me in the morning so that I could cook and leave for office intime. He has sympathy for Sasuma and  he liked to help me as a way of taking care of his mother. As time passed his appearance in kitchen became rare. I became efficient in  the chore and I was able to do all on my own.

Reshma's birth had brought cahnge in my life. I liked the little one and loved to be take care of her. As I resumed my service, my avalability to spend time with her reduced.  I was left with doing essential things only for her and a maid took care of her needs. Reshme had started bonding with Sasuma. I was happy that Sasuma loves her. Reshma's name was selected by Sasuma and slowly her dresses and every decision about her was by sasuma. I  realised I am present to play the role and my dauhter was no more a daughter but a grand daughter.

Rajesh used to take care of me during illness. He was always there to take me doctor , get medicines  and nurse me. Sometimes I wished that I was sick so that Rajesh was with me and I was cared. As soon as I used to get normal Rajesh used to become more of a son and less of a husband. Even when he felt my point of view was correct he never had a urge to express it and take a stand.

I was in our bedroom with Rajesh. Rajesh wanted me to stich a button. I asked him to keep a watch on Reshma and started looking for a needle and thread. Rajesh was reading paper. Suddenly I heard  screem and Sasuma was in and said

'Bachi ko dekte ho ki nai. Wo puja ke puja mandir ko kharab kar diya'

I couldn't reply but neither Rajesh was opening his mouth.

Sasuma 'Tumhara kam mujhe bar bar kyo batana padta hai'.

Rajesh was healthy always in general. But when he was sick he behaved like ladla. A simple fever or a severe stomach upset made him behave like a child. I felt taht I have two children to attend. He had his nackras. Everything had to be handd over to be served in bed. He used to call his sister collegues and narrate his sickness. By the time he was ok, I was exhausted. I enjoyed staying close to him during his sickness despite my extra load.

Rajesh was earning reasonably well  but his salary was always spent in household expenses and my salary iin additional expenses which never gave any breather space.The joint family and Rajesh's role as a son has always left us in a hand to mouth situation. Some times I used to wonder where we were heading.

Sasuma's demands on me were never ending. Any amount of obdience and respecting her was of a futile effort. Her nags were on and on starting up gettiong up, cleanliness, way of dressing, kids and no other. As time passed Rajesh  got into mode of demanding and nagging with least amount of empathy. I wondered that how can marriage transform me from a doting daughter to the job of  slave like worker.

The birth of Vijay has not vhanged the scene much.  I was getting tied up more with kitchen and looking after core of children and snatched all the time from me. I was spending less and less time with them and they started  decoming independent and attached to Sasuma and Sasurji. Increasingly I have lost respect from from Rajesh and children too.

The lack of respect and concerm for me made me aloof  interrnally.  I became a person irritated and helpless. The system of mariage has become a burden on me and a bottom less pit. Respect , honour, love , concern made me disillusioned and pushed me to be a introvert. Our marriage had started drifting towards  a stae of indiffernce and slowly Rajesh had started hating everything about me leading to point of no return with breakdown in communication. A marriage deviod of  love, commitment,mutual respect and support can't be a marriage. It is trap for me to go nowhere. I wonder

'Why is this marriage still on?'





















Tuesday, 12 March 2013

Delhi Girl's Prayer

Ayi girinandini nanditamedini visvavinodini nandinute |
Girivaravindhya shirodhinivasini vishnuvilasini jisnunute |
Ma Durge give me strength to fight the paternal system and Medical System in the womb
Give me strength to survive the poor Medical System  and Weak health of the my mother,  for me to see light
Bhagavati he shitikanthakutumbini bhoorikutumbini bhoorikrute |
Jaya jaya he mahishasuramardhini ramyakapardini shailasute ||
Bestow powerful and iron will to my mother to steadfastly fight to evil astrologers stopping her from conceiving me
Send all the Shaktis to protect me from Ultrasound test killers and medical vultures who terminate me
Suravaravarshini durdharadharshini durmukhamarshini harsharate |
Tribhuvanaposhini sha.nkaratoshini kilbishamoshini ghosharate |
Danujaniroshini ditisutaroshini durmadashoshini sindhusute |
Jaya jaya he ... ||
Protect my mother from being abandoned by my father for giving birth to a girl child
Become a Kali, Chandi, Mahisuramardhini to take care of abandoned mothers jaya  jaye he |
Ayi jagadamba madamba kadambavanapriyavasini hasarate |
Shikharishiromani tungahimalaya shringanijalaya madhyagate |
Madhumadhure madhukaitabhaganjini kaitabhabhanjini rasarate |
Jaya jaya he ...||

Jagadamba see that there is no discrimination when raising a boy or a girl
Give my parents the wisdom that a daughter is your anch and she is your pratiroop
  Ayi shatakhanda vikhanditarunda vitunditashunda gajadhipate |
Ripugajaganda vidaranachanda parakramashunda mrigadhipate |
Nijabhujadanda nipatitakhanda vipatitamunda bhatadhipate |
Jaya jaya he ... ||
Nijabhujadanda Protect me from being abducted and trafficked when am a child or young
Parakramashunda  shield me from abuse when I am a child or an adolescent
Ayi ranadurmadashatruvadhodita durdharanirjara shaktibhrute |
Chaturavicharadhurinamahasiva dutakrita pramathadhipate |
Duritadurihadurashayadurmati danavaduta krutantamate |
Jaya jaya he ... ||
Give me wisdom to see through men and who lure me in the name of love only to deceive me and later abandon me
Make me an oasis of knowledge and a source of courage to chart my own destiny| Jaya Jaya he
Ayi sharanagata vairivadhuvara viravarabhayadayakare |
Tribhuvanamastaka shulavirodhishirodhikritamala shulakare |
Dumidumitamara dundubhinada mahomukharikrita tigmakare |
Jaya jaya he ... ||
Tribhuvanamastaka , let men not get lost in being boozers and party dancers
Shaktibhrute, let them realize they are born soldiers to fight  a bigger cause
Never there be a situation a woman is dishonored and overpowered for lack a fighting soldier
Jaya jaya he dundubhinada Let every soldier stand up for the cause he is a born
Give me abundant courage to stand up  for myself and other women
Jaya Jaya he Tribhuvana bhooshana bhootakalanidhi give me shakti and success
Ayi mayi dinadayalutaya krupayaiva tvaya bhavitavyamume |
Ayi jagato janani krupayasi yathasi tathanumitasitare |
Yaduchitamatra bhavatyurarikrutadurutapa mapakrurute |
Jaya jaya he ... ||


......

Friday, 8 March 2013

State Vs Delhi Girl

I heard the terrible story on the TV. I am shocked to know the brutality committed by  devils and the inability or lack of will of the police in preventing the crime. How can the system become dysfunctional and abdicate its responsibility? I have to do something about it as it can happen to me too.  I want to go to India gate and protest. I am little worried to go to India Gate in the light of police being around. Anyhow, police at the venue is not worrying me as routine life is no different compared to protest venue.
I have spoken to Poonam and Swati about joining the protest.   I know Swati and she has not received the idea well.  She is too scared to be part of the protest. If we don’t protest then we will remain victims. Poonam is ready to join despite her worries as she is moved by the episode.  She burst into tears while talking about the incident.  She said, ‘I feel as if it happened to me. How can six people rape a girl, beat her up and pull her intestines out? Are they humans or beasts? Main toh aungi, kuch bhi hone do’.
I agreed with her and said, ‘ Kal  subah sath me jayange bus pakadke’. I won't tell anyone at home as they will not approve the idea.
I got out of the house at 9 in the morning and am happy to see Poonam at the bus stop. She is carrying a bag along with her purse.  I asked
‘ Kya Hai isme’
Poonam  said,  ‘Chart paper,  poster banane ke liye. Kuch be ho, Ham ko aaj jana hi hai’
 We are able to get a bus and have reached India Gate. I see lot of police, Media with anchors. People are collecting around. Poonam took out her chart and cut it into two. It is of cream colour and poonam is making two posters. She wrote in Red
MY BODY MY RIGHT, MY CITY MY RIGHT
. She took out two sticks and made placards. Poonam likes making placards and decorations which happen in college and birthdays. This skill is helping us here. We took a placard each and started moving towards the gathering. People are trickling down.  Young boys and girls are sad and angry. Slogans are in the air
‘We want Justice’
‘Hang the Rapists’
‘Police down down’
TV anchors with their Camera crew are interviewing the protesters and comparing the interviews. Some boys and girls are not able to speak but I am seeing anger in their voices. They are telling problems they face… Brutality of men of all ages..  Lecherous …   Vulgar comments   ...  Their guts and their impunity towards law.  This is a common thing and it is only being narrated now.
Within a hour a large crowd is around.  Boys and girls are moving towards Raisina hills. I and Poonam have joined the crowd.  Their anger and frustration is showing in the pitch and with time. Now they are full throated.  
I am seeing barricades on the way to Raisina Hills. Police troops are guarding the barricades. We reached the barricade and the number of protestors is increasing. Another bout of slogans is up in the air.  Some of the protestors tried to break the barricades. The police stopped them.  Few police move forward and lathi charged the protestors to hold them.. In the process, the whole group of protestors is disturbed. Some girls and boys are in pain.  Then another bout of sloganeering is in the air. It is not full throated but determined.  I noticed that Poonam is not with me after the commotion. I am not comfortable and this feeling is a regular thing in Delhi. I looked around. Most of the protestors are present to vent their anger.  I have noticed a northeast girl next to me. She is frail but very attractive. She covered her head with a white stole.  As I am observing her, she noticed and smiled at me.
I enquire, ‘Assamese?’
She Smiles and says, ‘ Manipuri’. She is also alone and must have lost track of her friends in the commotion.  Before We could converse the sloganeering has picked up Pace. We join the chorus.
‘We want justice’
‘Hang Rapists’
‘Sack inefficient police’
Manipuri girl looked at my placard. She took it in her hand, read it and lifted it and started a new slogan
‘My body my right My city my right’
The dyeing sloganeering picked up again. Everybody is at their feverish pitch with the slogan. As I am shouting slogans, I see two water cannons at the back of barricades.  I hear police announcing through their public address system
‘Section 144 is imposed for the security of Raisini Hills. Assembly of four or more people is illegal. Police warn public that they are a security threat to the system. All relevant sections of IPC will be applied to maintain law and order. Any violation will be dealt severely by the police with all its might. We order the public to dismiss immediately’
I was shocked to hear the announcement. The police is not doing their duty of ensuring the safety of Delhi girl and finds Delhi girl is a threat to the system.  The angered protestors have retorted by
‘My body my right My city my right’

I notice that barricades move apart, make way for water cannons. Cannon move closer to protestors. Water cannons target  protestors on our side. I see girls and boys showing their backs and taking the jets on their back with biting pain. The flow jet is moving towards us. I and Manipuri girl move forward and duck, avoid water jet.  In next few minutes, water cannons  caned the protestors and  went back after emptying water. Police is firing tear gas shells. Some are at a few feet away release gas . I cover my face and nose with my stole. Manipuri girl next to me also covers her face. I saw a policeman coming towards us with a lathi.  He swings his lathi at Manipuri girl. Lathi hits placard and placard is on the road. I notice Rajesh bhayya running towards us.  I came between policeman and Manipuri girl and yell at him, ‘kyo marte ho ?’. Police is wild at me. He caned me on right hand,  left hand and a hard one on my head. I am in deep pain. Whole place is whirl ling. I am collapsing on the ground. Manipuri girl is holding me. Policeman is hitting me again. He notices Rajesh Bhayya and swings  lathi. Bhayya escapes one, but takes hit on his left leg. Policeman notices a TV crew shooting us. He charges towards them hits the camera and Crew run away from the spot. Bhayya comes to me holds me and drags me to a side  and takes me behind  tall plants on the side. My stole is missing in the jhamela. Manipuri girl pulls out her stole and ties my head. I am bleeging from head. We are near a police control vehicle   but not visible.  I hear meaasges
‘ Second round of water cannons in operation, lathi charge under progress’
‘ Raisina hills here . How many rounds needed? You have to control the situation. Clear TV Channel  crew. Over’
‘Three more rounds needed. Send three water cannons and six vans of police. Things will be controlled. over’
‘Raisina Hills.  Necessary resources will be sent. Bring control. Make the place safe and secure’
 Bhayya, ‘I will find a way to move away from here’ He requests Manipuri girl to take care of me and moves away.
 I am weak and lying down. She is next to me. I wonder how Raisini hills will be secure without Delhi girl being safe.  If Delhi girl is not safe no power will be safe. You find Delhi girl everywhere in Delhi. You will find her in every nook and corner of the country. It is her right to be secure and safe. This is truth. Canes or cannons can’t silence her.  When will powers realize this truth?  She makes powers to come to her feet. This sloganeering is  Krishna’s Panchajanyam,  Mahadev’s Damru,  Kali’s  Dance of death.  Poonam’s slogan ‘ MY BODY My RIGHT MY CITY MY RIGHT’ is
Tilak’s ‘Independence is my birthright’
Subhash’s ‘ Lal Killa is ours’
Bhagat Singh’s ‘ Inquilaab Zindabad’
Sri Sri’s ‘ Maro prapamcham’ ( Dawn of new era)
Raisina Hills has to rebuild itself to deliver to Delhi girl’s demand. This is our Magnum Carta. This republic can’t exist without our security.  Manipuri girl has removed the stole tied to my head as it is soaked in my blood. She throws it off way.   A policeman notices blood soaked Red stole and starts moving towards us with a lathi. Bhayya is back. He found a way to move out. Bhayya and Manipuri girl carry me away before policeman steps in.  I see 3 water cannons 6 vans of police taking positions moving forward targeting Delhi Girl. I look at Raisini Hill in the backdrop of sunset.  As I slip into unconsciousness, I see a new era dawning for Delhi girl. Truth shall not just prevail but shall Triumph.

Saturday, 16 February 2013

Delhi Girl

I am getting into the bus along with Shriya and Swathi. At the entrance it is crowded. Guys over there are not allowing us to get in. Shriya who is ahead is finding it difficult move in. She is helpless and looks back at me. I know, it is delibarate and a trick. In the confusion, I know we will be groped. I am seeing disgust in Shriya and Swathi's faces. I am being groped. I shouted at Shriya 'Aage javo"  and pushed ourselves forward. In those few seconds, I felt more hands are touching me. Men of all ages are jeering at us and some passing nasty lewd comments. We moved out of the entrance and are at the middle of the bus.  This is a regular scene and we  live to suffer.

Some seats are available. Shriya and Swati  have seetled in a two seater.  I noticed a vacant seat next to an aunty. I am releived   and settled in the seat.   It is 8:30 in the night. Shriya and Swati got off at their stop. The Aunty next to me also got off with them. A guy from behind has taken the seat next to me.  I am alert and observing people around.

There is only an old lady at the rear of the bus. She is lost in self. There is no comfort in finding another lady around for support as nobody helps others  as everybody is scared to involve in a brawl. The man next to me is making advances. He is falling over me at the turn of the bus. He has started groping. I am squeezing into the window. He is advancing further. The bus has stopped at bus stop.  The guy next to me has put his hand on my thigh and is getting nasty. I have to get off the bus. The bus is about to start. I scream ‘ Driver Bus roko’.  Driver applied his break brakes. As I am getting down Driver shouted at me ‘ So rahi ho, Sali’. The bus went off.
My momentary decision to get off the bus has helped me. The guy next to me was taken aback by surprise and didn’t get down. I am more comfortable. This stop is a lonely place and  three stops away from my house. I have to call Rajesh bhayya.   Bhayya  is always protective about me and ready to accompany me. But I can’t ask him to come everywhere.  He was caught into a scuffle with some teasers on two, three occasions. Sometimes I am scared about his safety.  I rang up bhayya and said
‘ Bhayya, Mujhe Gaden wala bus stop se pick up kejiye’.
Bhayya, ‘ tum to theek ho na?’
‘ Mai to theek hu’
I am alone at the stop. I know bhayya will be there in few minutes. An Auto passed by the stop.  The place is lonely.  I am watching around. Everything is still and calm with a pleasant weather. I am not able to enjoy the surroundings as I am worried about my security. A Bus came and nobody got down and the Bus left the stop. I saw some people walking and curious to know whether any lady around. There is none. My antenna is up and I am alert. But to my relief , I saw Bhayya next to me on his bike.  I am at peace. Bhayya enquired, ‘ Kuch problem tha?’.
‘Kuch Nahi’, I answered as I don’t want to narrate the whole sequence.  Anyhow, this is everyday affair in Delhi.